Written by Kim Botto, an experienced ministry leader with kids and families
Years ago, I sat down with my boss after a big event, and I began listing the things I’d change for next time. He stopped me and said, “This was an incredible event with hundreds of students. Yes, there are a few things we could change, but can we just stop and celebrate the good?”
As someone who always strives to make improvements, I have to regularly remind myself to see the good. This isn’t true just for events, it’s true as I look at and engage with people too.
As a grandma to ten kids 9 years old and younger, I have plenty of opportunities to see areas my grandkids may need correction or opportunities for growth. Through the decades of working with kids and teens as a kids/student pastor, I’ve come to better understand the power of our words and our encouragement.
For some of us, giving encouragement may come easy. For others, who are always looking for ways to improve, we may need to work harder to call out the good in those around us.
Remind your grandkids of the good in them.
A young lady who I have mentored since middle school, once told me “Sometimes I forget who I am. You remind me when I forget.” Her words stopped me in my tracks. We were having a hard conversation about some of her choices. In the midst of processing some of the hardships that were a result of her choices, I was encouraging the good I saw in her. I thought the things I was calling out were obvious, but they weren’t obvious to her. She needed someone to remind her that she was creative, a loyal friend, hysterically funny, and very self-aware.
Our grandkids need this too. They need us to remind them of the good in them. Celebration is an important part of discipleship and helps our disciples know what to continue and repeat. The actions we want to be repeated need to be celebrated and encouraged.
Remember your influenced perception.
The way we are wired, our background, and our own childhoods will affect how we perceive situations and our responses. So as we look for ways to encourage and call out the good, we may need to take a moment to evaluate our own biases.
Maybe we grew up in a family that pushed down any type of emotional response, so when we see our grandkids angry or frustrated, we may want to stop that behavior. Or maybe we were taught to strive for perfection, so we miss opportunities to celebrate progress. Spend a moment reflecting on your own childhood and how that may be influencing your perceptions.
Use these ideas for your approach.
- Be curious, and be a student of your grandkids. Notice how they interact with others and their special characteristics.
- Be truthful. Don’t tell them they’re an awesome baseball player if they dropped the only ball that came to them and struck out three times. Look for elements of their character that you can celebrate. But before you do that, empathize with them on their hard baseball game.
- Celebrate progress. Even as grandparents, we’re still a work in progress. Rather than waiting to celebrate perfection, which may never be attained, celebrate the work and progress our grandkids have made toward a goal.
Focus on Scriptural truths.
- Our grandkids are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 13-14) Let’s tell our grandkids the wonderful ways God created them, and while we’re doing that, let’s give God the credit! “I love how God gave you such an empathetic heart. I see that when you visit your great grandma in the nursing home.”
- Our grandkids are created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27) We can see glimpses of God’s nature and heart in our grandkids. “God is a creator. The way you create beautiful things out of a few markers and paper reminds me of God’s creativity.”
- Our kids and grandkids are a gift from the Lord. (Psalm 127:3) Let’s remind our grandkids, and our kids, what a gift they are to us and how thankful we are that God allows us to parent and grandparent them. “I am so thankful that God lets me be your Gigi. You are one of the best gifts that God has given me.”
- Our words can build others up. (Ephesians 4:29) Words can build up or tear down. If God shows you something amazing in your grandchild, build them up by telling them what you see! “I love how you noticed that your sister was sad, so you sat with her and offered to read her a book. You’re such a helpful big sister.”
Conclusion
There will be many opportunities to provide corrections and coaching. But let’s not miss using our words to build up our grandkids, to call out the strengths that they may not see, and to speak to their potential rather than reminding them of their most recent infraction.
For grandkids with special needs/disabilities or those who often have challenging behavior, we need to be especially diligent in calling out the good. These kids often get a disproportionate number of corrections throughout the day, being told to be quiet, settle down, keep their hands to themselves, and on and on. They need to be reminded that they have many qualities worth celebrating and that God created them in a wonderful way.
Our grandkids are created by God, and He makes good things. So let’s make it a priority to call out the good as we thank God for the gift of our grandchildren.
